#girls when the line between friendship and romance is blurred but if you say it then it becomes real and youll lose what you had

[mibicycle]

Just pretend I didn't tear your world apart.

Mikey and Nicky dir. Elaine May / Kimya Dawson, So Nice So Smart / My Own Private Idaho dir. Gus Van Sant / John Cariani, Almost, Maine / Liz Yerby, Sir, Is This Love? / Richard Siken, A Primer For Small Weird Loves / McCafferty, Yours, Mine, Hours

[niningtori]

make you cry | part one

part two: beomgyu's ending | part three: hyuka's ending

pairing: beomgyu x you, huening kai x you in alternate ending

summary: beomgyu is your manwhore best friend who you've been secretly in love with for years. one night, he asks you to blur the lines between friendship and physical intimacy for his own convenience.

genre: ANGST, romance, smut (mdni), fwb

warnings: smut (mdni), unprotected sex, creampie, dom!gyu, eventual sub!gyu, fingering (vaginal), dacryphilia, dirty talk, praise, if i missed anything lmk!

word count: 4.2k

notes: hi friends! i'm not completely satisfied with this, but i'd rather it be done than sitting in my drafts. pls don't be mean ;_;

being in love with your best friend is not for the faint of heart, you think. in some cases, it’s the easiest thing in the world, but beomgyu makes it difficult. he’s not a bad guy, at least not deep down, but as you watch him break the heart of another notch in his belt, you can’t help but shiver at the fact that he’d very easily do the same to you if you gave him that chance. not that you ever will, that is, but the thought still remains.

you met in grade school. for you, it was a classic case of love at first sight. you had just fallen off the swingset and the teacher had yet to notice you, so you were crying alone when he came up to you with a dinosaur bandaid in tow. he looked like an angel with the sun encircling him, and even as a child, you thought he was the most beautiful thing you’d ever seen as he held his little hand out for you to grasp. you had no chance to steel your heart when he asked you if you wanted to be friends, and after that, the rest is history. 

that was years ago, but the image of him holding out his hand is engraved in your bones. you think about it even now as you watch him make the poor, unfortunate girl in front of you bawl like a baby. she asks him why he's doing this, what she did wrong, how she can fix it to make him stay. but he's dead set on breaking her heart tonight. and you'll be the one who takes his tipsy ass home after he's done ruining this girl’s perception of love. you’re nothing more than a glorified lackey and enabler, but that's just how it is.

“god, i don’t know why they can never just let go. they always have to make it so hard,” he grumbles in the passenger’s seat of your car. he seems more annoyed than genuinely upset and you can’t help but to feel for the girl who he just unceremoniously dumped in the middle of a house party, so you speak up for once.

“it’s not her fault, beoms. she just really likes you,” you reason. not that it matters, anyway, but you feel better after speaking your mind.

“so it’s my fault? i just don’t get it. i told her no strings attached from the beginning. the fact that she took it seriously is her own problem.” well, nevermind about feeling better. you feel even worse for her now.

“it’s hard not to get attached to you,” you mumble.

“what?” he asks, not even really paying attention to what you’re saying, but still asking for the sake of being (what he thinks is) polite.

“no, it’s nothing,” you reply quickly.

“mmm,” he nods, completely preoccupied with his own issues to really give a fuck about what you have to say. then, as if by a stroke of genius, he says his next words without much thought.

“i just thought of something! you would never act like that with me, would you?” you can’t help but scowl. of course you’d act like that. you’re a normal human being with normal feelings. you’ve already fallen for beomgyu without the physical intimacy, so you can’t imagine how you’d act if you actually had sex with him. but you can’t tell him that, or else he’d start suspecting something.

“i guess not,” you sigh. 

“then why don’t we hook up instead?” he asks, genuinely earnest. 

“no,” you say simply.

“why not?” he frowns, somewhat offended.

“i’m not interested,” you shrug. you don’t realize that your indifference has the opposite effect on beomgyu. what he perceives as your disgust only interests him more.

“c’mon, i’d definitely show you a good time,” he argues.

“i’m fine, thanks.” 

“no, you’re not fine. you haven’t slept with anybody in months. not since what’s-his-name, right? it’s the perfect deal. i’ll give you the time of your life and i’ll get to fuck without any feelings involved.” you try your hardest not to say it’s too late for that. those words will never leave your mouth, though. or else he’d drop you like a hot potato.

“i said no and i mean no. besides, i kind of like somebody right now.” you’re not lying, really. you truly do like, even love, somebody right now, and he’s sitting right next to you.

“who is he?” he asks. “actually, your taste in men is so shit, i don't even wanna know.” usually, that would hurt your feelings, but this whole situation is so fucked up you can’t even find it in you to stifle your laugh. 

“true.” he cocks an eyebrow at your answer. you should, in theory, vehemently deny this. just how shitty is this guy for you to not even put up a fight? 

“okay, i lied. now i really wanna know. who is he? yeonjun?” he asks. you giggle even more.

“no. yeonjun is sweet, but no. and i’m not telling you, so you should give up.” 

“you think yeonjun is sweet in comparison? damn, this guy must be fucking scum,” he laughs. you can’t help but shake your head with an airy laugh of your own. yeah, he’s so awful he even makes yeonjun look sweet. at least it seems like yeonjun has a conscience when he fucks somebody over. beomgyu, for the most part, has none.

“he’s not all bad,” you say softly, still smiling and resting your head on the headrest of your car. 

“but still bad,” he argues. 

“mhmm,” you hum. “still bad.”

-

beomgyu doesn’t mention hooking up again after that, and for that you are thankful, you think. is there a part of you that regrets not saying yes? in a way, you do. who wouldn’t want to be even closer to the one they love? but you know the closeness would be a lie. even if you were in closer proximity physically, he’d still be far away emotionally. too far to ever catch him. and so you sit at the counter of this shitty bar and watch him try to woo one of the prettiest girls you’ve ever seen, and by the looks of it, it’s working. you smile bitterly and down another shot, making your stomach feel hotter and hotter. you know that by the end of the night, you’ll feel sick, but you’d rather be physically sick and drunk rather than emotionally sick and sober. 

“you okay?” kai asks, sliding into the seat next to yours and cutting into your daze with ease. 

“aren’t i always?” you answer with a wry smile.

“it’s that bad, huh?” he asks. beomgyu is your best friend, sure, but kai is the only person in the world who knows about your feelings for him. he also feels like the only person in the world who would understand them. 

“yeah, it is,” you mumble, downing yet another drink as you watch beomgyu grinding on the girl salaciously. 

“wanna get out of here?” he asks sympathetically. you should say no. beomgyu will be angry that you left  him, even if he’d ditch you in a heartbeat to get laid. but now, as you watch him shoving his tongue in the red-lipped mouth of the girl who will now be the impossible standard you’ll hold yourself to from hereon out, you can’t bring yourself to care.

“i do,” you smile, for real this time, and his grin matches yours.

you’re so drunk, you barely remember how you got home, but you’re here and so is hyuka. you don’t cry, even if he kind of wishes you would just so you could let it all out. you laugh, even, as he tells his dorky jokes and beats your ass in mario kart. things are going so well, you don’t even hear the pounding on your door until kai says something about it.

“i’ll get it,” he says soothingly when you unsteadily try to stand up.

“thanks, hyuka,” you smile. and that smile stays planted on your face until you see who’s at the door. beomgyu. and by the looks of it, he’s pissed.

“what the fuck is your problem?! how could you just leave me there alone?” he asks as soon as he’s let in. your face sinks and all prior happiness is washed away in an instant.

“you weren’t alone,” kai cuts in defensively. “she was alone until i came and got her.” beomgyu is actually a little embarrassed by this blatant callout, but he’d sooner die than admit it.

“well, she should’ve said something, at least,” he counters, face still hot and voice still as loud as ever.

“i thought you were going home with that girl,” you reply meekly. 

“and you couldn’t just ask?!” he snaps. 

“you’re being an asshole,” kai argues. “nobody wants to watch you tonguing down some random girl, and she’s not your babysitter.” the room is deathly quiet after this. beomgyu is fishing for words, but he’s too drunk to quite think of any at the moment. he wishes he were sober so he could put kai in his place, but the words never come. all he knows is he’s pissed beyond anything he can properly articulate and it’s driving him crazy. 

“you’re drunk,” kai adds sternly. “go home.” 

“hyuka, it's okay,” you say gently. “he's too drunk for that. he can crash on the couch.” beomgyu doesn't know why, but he scowls at the nickname.

“but —”

“it's okay,” you repeat. kai’s face looks torn. 

“alright, then i'll head out,” he relents after a few seconds. “the both of you just need some sleep,” he says with a sharp glance towards beomgyu, who is still fuming, by the way.

“thank you,” you say with a terse smile. he returns it with a smile of his own and shuts the door behind him. beomgyu watches the entire interaction and somehow feels even worse.

“what the fuck was that? is he the guy you’re hung up on or something?” 

“no!” you exclaim incredulously. “hyuka is a nice guy, and he’s just… helping me with some things right now.” you’re not the most eloquent person on a good day, much less while drunk, so that’s all you can really say at the moment.

“what ‘things’ could he possibly be helping you with?” he snaps before realization dawns on him. “you told him about that guy, didn’t you?! you can tell him but you can’t tell me?” 

“he… he just understands,” you say. you knew beomgyu wouldn’t just let this shit go and be done with it. he’s like a child finding out his dog likes somebody better than he likes him, and it’s exhausting.

“are you sleeping with him?” 

“what, no!”  you say firmly. 

“you are, aren’t you?” he sneers. “you won’t let me touch you, but you’re letting him?” 

“is it so hard to believe that a man just wants to be my friend without wanting to fuck me?” truthfully, yes. you’re good looking and his experience tells him that men always harbor those intentions. well, he does, at least. and for some reason, as he looks at you in your big t-shirt and sweatpants, those intentions are brewing even more. 

“beomgyu?” you ask tentatively. his eyes are so intense it seems like he’s even more pissed off,  somehow. your innocent look stokes the flames of what’s already been burning for you.

as if he’s possessed, he stalks his way over to you, grabs your face before you can even react, and plants a bruising kiss on your soft lips. you gasp when he meanly takes your bottom lip between his teeth and he can’t help but chuckle. the kiss is cruel for so many reasons, but you’d be lying if you said it didn’t knock you off of your feet. you’re usually so restrained around him for reasons only you and kai know, but you feel your inhibitions melt as his tongue enters your mouth. he tastes like alcohol, but then, so do you, and he doesn’t seem to mind. in fact, if his hungry kiss in any indication, he seems to love it. 

one of his hands travel under your big hoodie and he tweaks your already hardened nipple between his fingers. 

“does that feel good, baby?” he asks lowly, and you feel yourself becoming even more wet. you're too embarrassed to respond, but judging from his tone, he already knows your answer. 

his kisses are unrelenting and fierce, no gentleness or care to be seen, but you’re so sweet he can’t control himself. he’s been wanting to do this ever since he hit puberty, but you’ve never seemed interested in him for reasons he can’t understand. but now, you seem more than interested as you let him lead you to your bedroom. he lays you down on your bed and takes off your sweatpants. when he sees you, naked and glistening just from a few touches, he licks his lips in anticipation.

“all this from a few kisses?” he teases, rubbing his fingers up and down your slit. you can do nothing but gasp in response as he pushes one of his long, calloused fingers into your heat.

“s-so tight, it’s sucking me in,” he moans. “i can’t wait to see how you feel around my cock.” he adds a second finger and curls, hitting your sweet spot. all you can do is moan as he takes his thumb and rolls your clit. he watches your body rise and fall with the pleasure and it fascinates him like nothing he’s ever seen. your eyes are screwed shut, but he can’t help but prod and tease to see the different facial expressions you show him. before long, he’s pounding into you. the sound of squelches mixed with your moans only goads him further and further until you’re clenching down mercilessly on his fingers.

“aww, does that feel good, baby?” he coos. “wanna feel even better?” post-release clarity should hit you right about now, but you’re only more eager when he removes his clothes. his lengthy cock, angry and reddened, springs up and slaps his stomach. you whimper at the sight and he smirks at how needy you are.

he hovers over you and slowly, agonizingly slowly, he begins to rub his stiffened length up and down your slit. 

“gyu, you need a condom —” you begin to protest.

“why? i’m clean. and i don’t fuck just anyone raw,” he argues as the head of his cock comes dangerously close to hooking on your entrance. you’ve never been able to say no to him for any meaningful amount of time, so relenting isn’t out of the ordinary for you. but more than that, his words, though unromantic, spark a bit of hope in your heart. you’re special, you think. 

“do you trust me?” he asks. 

no. not at all.

“of course.” and he pushes in. his arrogance falters as you take him in, inch by throbbing inch. it’s a tight fit, and the way you clench around the tip of his cock only drives him further and further into madness. how can you feel so good? how can this feel so perfect? 

your poor pussy is equal parts trying to suck him in and trying to resist so the intrusion is forced out. to him, it feels like heaven. 

“t-tight!” he hisses. “relax, baby, or you’re gonna break me.” for some reason, his words comfort you, allowing him smooth entry until he’s completely sheathed in you. you both moan when he completely bottoms out, balls hitting your ass in the most lewd way. his precum mixed with the result of your release seep into the bedsheets. he stays there for just a moment, pushing your hair out of your face, and his next words are uncommonly tender.

“you look so pretty like this,” he muses, and you don’t even have time to blush before he’s unsteadily pulling out, pussy pulling him back in like it never wants him to leave, then thrusting back in again. 

“oh m-my god,” he says as he begins to ram into you. “so good, baby. you’re taking me so well.” 

“b-big!” is all you can manage to say as he continues to fuck you open.

“oh baby, are you going dumb on my cock? can’t even manage to get the words out, can you? it’s okay, don’t think. i’ll take care. of. you,” he says, punctuating each word with his mean thrusts. 

you’re crying now, the pleasure too great to stifle your tears. beomgyu thinks you look absolutely lovely like this, lovelier than anyone he’s ever seen, especially when he looks at where you two are joined and watches himself enter and exit your puffy pussy. each gasp, each breathy whine you emit makes him feel crazier and crazier. he aches so much, he has no choice but to continue pounding into you until he's relieved. so he does. he’s gripping the plush of your thighs like he might die if he doesn’t have something to hold onto. 

he leans over to give you a nasty kiss, all tongue and teeth. when he parts from you, a lewd string of saliva falls from your mouths and he can’t control the chuckle that escapes him when he sees your pupils are blown out as you flounder for his lips again. 

“look, baby. look at how good i’m fucking you.” you look down and see how his cock protrudes from your tummy as he rams in and out of you. “nobody else has fucked you right, but don’t worry, i’ll make sure to fix that.” your pussy involuntarily clenches at his filthy words and it’s enough to make you come.

“c-coming!” you manage to choke out as you spasm around him, back arching deliciously. he follows soon after, thrusts becoming uneven before you feel his cum shooting inside of you.

-

fucking beomgyu comes naturally, and often. he can’t seem to keep his hands off of you. hooking up becomes almost a daily affair, but you’re so hungry for him you can’t bring yourself to protest. you fuck in his car, on his couch, over the fucking kitchen counter, even. all plans to go out with anyone else are immediately dashed in favor of being with him, instead. you feel yourself falling deeper and deeper in love with him, and even if you know, know, know it’s fruitless, you can’t help but relent when he looks at you like a man starved. 

“this can’t be good for you,” kai tells you one evening in the comfort of your apartment. it’s a rare occurrence to have a free night from beomgyu’s clutches. kai hasn’t seen you in weeks because you’ve been too “busy” with beomgyu. 

“well, i know,” you sigh, too tired to argue with him. 

“if you know, then why do you do it?” he asks tentatively. you can’t help but give him a look. 

“you know why,” you say. 

“he's just messing with your head. you know this can't end well.” you flinch at the word “end”. you know it, he knows it, beomgyu surely fucking knows it, but you can’t help but give in every time. “what are you gonna do when he inevitably fucks you over? and he will, just like always.”

“i… i’ll deal with it when the time comes,” you protest. he sees your defeated expression and lightly tilts your head so it’s resting on his shoulder. your retribution for your actions was always well on its way, but you didn’t know it would come so soon. 

you hear a key turning in the door. there’s only one person in the world you’ve given a spare to, so you aren’t surprised in the slightest when beomgyu walks in with that signature smirk on his face. he scowls a bit when he’s greeted with the scene of you and kai sitting so intimately.

“am i interrupting something?” he scoffs as you raise your head from kai’s shoulder.

“no,” kai replies before you can even fix your lips to respond. to your mild surprise, he doesn't push any further.

“whatever,” he shrugs, plopping down next to the two of you and pulling out his phone.

“wanna see this girl whose number i got today?” he asks casually, swiping through his phone eagerly. so that's why he didn't wanna meet up. your heart feels like a hole’s been blown straight through it. you and kai share a deep look, which beomgyu completely misses as he pulls up a picture of a beautiful looking girl. 

“this is her,” he says with a triumphant smirk. you don’t — can’t — respond. you just have a blank look on your face.

“what?” he asks petulantly. “she’s really pretty, look!” he insists, pulling up another picture. “she’s one of the hottest girls i’ve seen in a minute.”

any last shred of hope or dignity you have is strangled in its crib at his careless words. your eyes are hot and your stomach hurts so much you feel like you’re going to vomit. kai notices your discomfort and decides to put a stop to this once and for all.

“alright, that’s enough,” kai snaps. “nobody wants to see that shit.”

“what’s your fucking problem?” beomgyu retorts.

“my problem is that you’re a fucking moron. grow up.” beomgyu’s not one to get physical, at least not in a violent sense, but he’s on the precipice of breaking that streak at kai’s harsh words.

“stop, hyuka. it’s okay,” you say softly. beomgyu is so furious, he almost forgot you’re here, but he's genuinely confused by kai’s words.

“what's okay? what is it that you're not telling me?” beomgyu asks. 

“it's not okay, actually. he’s fucking you but he comes around and pulls this shit right in front of you?! she won’t say it, but i will.” 

“kai, don’t —” 

“she doesn’t care! no strings attached, that’s always been the deal.”

“you may be stupid as fuck, but surely you’re not that stupid,” kai sneers. “so if you say you don’t already know, you’re just a fucking liar.” beomgyu pauses at this. is he saying what he thinks he’s saying? surely you didn’t catch feelings, right? but one look at your face, and he knows kai is telling the truth. 

but why? and when?

“since when did you…”

“since always,” you say quietly. 

“oh, fuck. look, i —”

“it’s okay. i already know,” you cut in. and you do already know, but you can’t bear to hear him say it. beomgyu, in all his glory, processes this and instead of regret, all he feels is anger.

“i’m the piece of shit guy you can’t get over? are you fucking serious?”

“hyuka, you should go,” you say instead of letting him watch the melodrama unfolding before him. kai looks uncertainly between the both of you before relenting. 

“call me later, okay?” he says, wiping tears from your eyes that you didn’t realize had fallen.

“okay,” you reply with a sad smile. he sends beomgyu one last scathing look before gathering his shit and slamming the door behind him. 

“you tricked me!” beomgyu exclaims as soon as the door shuts. “i would’ve never fucked you if i knew you’d be like this.” just like everyone else. he doesn’t need to voice the last part, but you already know he wants to say it, which just hurts you even more.

“did you really not know, or were you just pretending not to know ‘cause it’d be inconvenient for you?” that shuts him up. kai was right, he’d be stupid not to know. maybe not at first, but surely along the way. surely when you’d look at him so longingly after sleeping with him, or the way you’d look so sad when he didn't stay after sex.

“listen, i’m so sorry that you’re scared, or angry, or whatever it is you’re feeling. i really am. but are you so selfish that you really think nobody else is afraid to have their heart broken? and do you think that means you��re allowed to hurt everyone else instead?” you ask quietly. every new word pierces his heart like nothing he's ever felt before. he wants to say something, but for the life of him, he can’t think of anything quite fitting. 

“i think you should leave,” you say after what feels like an eternity of silence. he looks at you with watery eyes and you almost feel guilty, but you’re through with feeling things for him that he’d never have the courtesy to feel for you. “go,” you repeat defeatedly, striding to the door and holding it open for him and he feels more and more like a rat you want to chase out of your home.

he looks like he wants to say something, but one look at you tells him you’re done listening. with heavy feet and an even heavier heart, he heads through the doorway, pausing only before he’s about to cross the threshold. he has a sinking feeling in his gut that tells him this is probably the last time he’ll be here. 

“are we still friends after this?” he asks lowly, eyes wide and more desperate than you’ve ever seen them. 

“no,” you say simply, and shut the door.

notes: not a ton of smut in this part, but i think the next part will have more i fear.

taglist: @my313 @superbbananananana @lonelybutterflytae @cherrycolaberry @everythingvirgoes @beomnoullitheorem @sunny4cast

[idkdudethisisntpermanent]

Blurred Lines

jenna ortega x female reader

summary: You and Jenna, best friends and actresses, are cast as lovers for the first time, tasked with bringing a romantic chemistry to the screen. But as scenes unfold, the lines between acting and reality begin to blur.

word count: 2.1k

a/n: This was actually the first Jenna story I wrote!

————

What are you thinking so hard about? Jenna asks plopping down in the director's chair next to you.

After being best friends for years, you and Jenna have finally gotten the opportunity to work alongside each other on your latest film Lovestruck, a romance film where you two are playing the lead couple.

You. You wanted to say, but you were 8 years too deep in the friendzone to truly say what was on your mind. "Just the next scene," you smile at her tiredly.

Her eyes light up, "I've been looking forward to this scene for so long!  God just look at that view Y/n!  I'm so jealous of Lalya," she sighs, referencing the character she's playing in the film. "Just who wouldn't love to be confessed to here," your co-star finishes looking over at you with sparkles in her eyes.

When your manager gave you the script for this project, you could only laugh at how much the story paralleled your situation with Jenna.  You were playing Quinn, a girl who has been in love with her friend for years, but couldn't do anything about it.  Eventually the mixed signals and watching the one she loves be with others got too much, and Quinn angrily confesses by the lakefront during a sunset; the view Jenna was fawning over just a minute ago.

You could only wish that the aftermath of any potential confession of yours could resemble the one in this film. Layla ends up reciprocating Quinn's feelings and it's a happy ending.

Unfortunately the universe isn't as perfect as an angsty teen romance, and is rather a sick minded individual who gets a kick out of meddling with people's lives. For years you and Jenna have auditioned for the same projects to play friends, enemies, even sister's but why is it that the one project both of you manage to land is this one?

"Y/n/n!"

Startled, you look over at the girl who's been trying to get your attention for all this time while you zoned out. "Y-yeah sorry. You're right. It would be a dream to be confessed to here."

She hums and stands up before placing a hand on your shoulder looking intently into your eyes, "I'll see you on set after the break, hope you bring your A game Y/l/n," she winks with a smile before walking off.

Jenna walks over to Andrew another actor working the film and immediately starts laughing and touching his arm in conversation.  You couldn't help but roll your eyes, but you also couldn't tear your eyes away from the scene that always happened to unfold in front of you.

It hurts you beyond belief watching your best friend interact flirtatiously with other people. Having to hear about rumoured boyfriends and especially having her not deny them. The mixed signals you got from the girl wasn't any help either, like what was that hand on the shoulder just now? The wink?!

You walk away trying your very best to calm yourself down before your big scene. Jenna frowned as she watched you walk away and towards your personal trailer.

————

The director calls everyone to set and has prepared to shoot the big confession scene. The crew helps you and Jenna find your places and fixes up any imperfections in your clothing. As you stand before your co-star you're hit with a strong wave of emotions. The 20 minutes you spent in the trailer wasn't much help, and now as you watch Jenna who is looking at you curiously, you make a realization.

You may never confess to Jenna. How could you? This friendship was the greatest you've ever had and you were aware of the fact that friendships like this one, don't come easy. It would be insanely stupid of you to confess your love and single-handedly lose a gem like Jenna completely. The more you thought about it, the interactions between Andrew, the rumours with Percy, and countless other boys, the more helpless you felt. There was no way she could feel the same.

"You okay?" the gentle voice you've come to love speaks.

You're silent.  She looks at you with her big doe eyes that you've come to love, but at this very moment you hate so much.  The concern in her eyes is pushing you off the edge.  You hated it.  You hated how her caring nature has only gotten you falling tenfolds harder. Why does she have to be good to me, why does she torture me like this you ask yourself.

"Y/n/n."

You look away, refusing to look into her eyes, scared of the emotions you'll find in them, scared of finding out how much more you could fall in love with her in this moment, so you settle on the view of the sunset.

The director begins a 10 second countdown to cue in the start of the scene and you're still looking at the sunset pondering. This may be the only time that you'll ever speak the words of a confession to Jenna. Yes, to her it'll be you performing the script, Quinn speaking these words, but she doesn't have to know that you will mean all the words you speak with every fibre of your being.

A light smile plays on your lips as you think about the performance you're about to give and how it should get you nominated for all the acting awards in existence. The lines of Quinn and Y/n have blurred, and you are playing no character other then yourself.

You won't be acting.

"Action!"

The scene begins and you start marching away from Jenna like the script told you to.

"Wait- Stop!" Jenna says frantically grabbing on to your arm.You roll your eyes, shrugging her off and continue walking.

"Why do you insist on hurting me?" She shouts, following the script.  You stop walking and pause.One beat. Two beat. Just like the script instructed. You turn around, glaring at her with more intensity than the script demands, "Me? Hurt you? That's rich coming from you."

Jenna hesitates, caught off guard by the seriousness in your voice, but quickly recovers, staying in character.

"Yes you asshole! I invite you to the lake house, and all you do is ignore me!"  Groaning into your hands, you speak your next line.  "Layla. You're joking right?"

"No Q, I'm not.  Do you even care about me?  It's my fucking birthday, and you're acting like I'm not even here, sulking in one of your moods and embarrassing me in front of my friends!"

"Then what am I?"

"What?"

You laugh, running your hands through your hair, struggling to keep your emotions in check.

"If those are your little fucking friends, then what am I to you?"

Jenna acted taken aback like she was supposed to, "My friend? My best friend? I don't know that's not the point! Wh-"

You cut her off, "But it is the point!"

You break the script.

You blink hard, letting the tears that were building up before the scene fall down your face.

Jenna had a look in her eyes that you've never seen before it was confusion and something else you couldn't pinpoint. Being the amazing actress that she is, she improvs her next line, so the scene can get back on track.

"Here you go again not wanting to address the real issue," she rolls her eyes.

You decide to stick to the script with tears streaming down your face. "I can't keep doing this anymore Layla," the words carrying the weight of years of hidden feelings. "Watching you with them, pretending I'm fine when I'm not. I can't just be your friend anymore."

Jenna's eyes widen, her character momentarily forgotten as she registers the raw emotion in your voice. "Quinn... what are you saying?"

You take a deep breath, letting it all out, the pain, the frustration, the love. You're about to do it and you hope that just for a second your performance will blur the lines for Jenna. "I'm saying that I'm in love with you, and I have been for a long time. And it kills me every time I see you with someone else, knowing I can't be the one to make you smile like that."

The silence that follows is deafening. You can feel your heart pounding in your chest, waiting for her response, both in character and out of it. The director's voice seems far away as he doesn't call cut, letting the scene play out naturally. For a moment you start to think that Jenna has forgotten her line, she's supposed to say, "For how long?"

But she goes off script.

She takes a step forward so she's only a foot away from you and takes your trembling hands (that you didn't even realize were shaking) in her own, an attempt to calm you down.

Jenna, as Layla, steps closer, her own tears glistening in the fading light. "Why didn't you tell me sooner, Quinn? Why did you let me go on thinking we were just friends?"

Your voice cracks as you respond, "Because I was scared. Scared of losing you, scared of ruining what we have. But I can't keep pretending anymore."

Jenna reaches up, gently cupping your face with her hands, her touch warm and soft. "You idiot," she whispers, her voice trembling. "How could you not know? How could you think for even a second that I didn't feel the same way?"

Her words hit you like a ton of bricks, and for a moment you forget that you're on set, that this is all supposed to be a performance. It feels too real, too raw.

"T-then what about everything I see? All those guys?" You say staying true to the script, but you couldn't hold your tongue and add, "The rumours? The interactions I always see?"

Jenna clearly seems taken aback by your addition to the script, and opens her mouth and closes it, at a loss for words.

You can't help yourself and continue, "Do you have any idea what it's like to watch you with other guys? To see you flirt with everyone else and feel like I'm just...invisible?"

Jenna's heart races as she realizes the depth of your feelings, the lines between the script and reality blurring completely.

Jenna continues, the rest of the scene now being pure improv. With tears in her eyes, "I wasn't trying to hurt you...Q. I wanted you to notice me. To see me the way I see you.

You freeze, your heart pounding in your chest. Jenna's voice is trembling, her gaze locked on yours, and for the first time you realize she's not just playing a role. She's confessing, right here, in front of everyone.

"I've been in love with you for so long," you get out through tears, "But all I've ever seen is you with them... like I don't even exist."

The shorter girl steps closer, dropping the last remnants of her character. Her hands reach up to cup your face, her touch gentle and filled with unspoken emotion.

"I didn't know how to tell you, Quinn. I was scared, so I tried to make you jealous, provoke you into action, hoping you'd finally do something. I-I was hoping you'd see how much I care. How much I...love you.

Your breath catches, your heart pounds in your ears, and you break character completely not caring anymore, in a trembling voice you ask, "You really feel the same way?"

Jenna nods, tears spilling over as she smiles, a mixture of relief and vulnerability in her expression.

"Yes, Q. I've always felt this way. I was just too scared to admit it... but not anymore."

You blink, struggling to process what's happening. This wasn't in the script—none of this was. But it's real, and it's happening now.

You smile through the tears, "Then let's stop pretending, Jenna. No more games... I'm yours if you'll have me.

Jenna lets out a small, tearful laugh, pulling you into a tight embrace. The cameras are still rolling despite your name drop, but none of that matters anymore. She pulls back just enough to look at you, her eyes shining with a love that's no longer hidden.

"I've always been yours. Always."

In that moment, you lean in, pressing your lips to hers in a kiss that's filled with all the years of longing and love you've both kept hidden. When you finally pull away, you're both breathless, tears of happiness mingling with the raw emotion of the scene.

The director calls "Cut," but neither of you moves, still lost in each other's eyes. For a moment, the set is silent, the crew unsure if they've just witnessed the best acting of your careers or something far more real. But you both know the truth—and it's better than any script that could have been written.

[letsgetrowdy43]

Can you do ““My family thinks we are dating.” With Dylan duke and or Luke Hughes? Thanks!

A gentle kind of love

Being Luke’s cousin meant that not only was she destined to be attached to his hip the moment she entered university with him, but it also meant that the entire Umich hockey team came with him. Of course, being close with the team came with its perks, having an entire team of bodyguards and overprotective father figures being one, and unconditional friendships being another

Dylan always held a soft spot in her heart, he had become her second in command the moment they were introduced, the one who would help her team up against Luke when he was in need of some humbling, and the guy she would spill her guts to while her cousin was out of tune with her emotions.

“Yes Dylan I’m going to the family skate,” she said over the phone as she sat in the back of Jim and Ellen’s car, “Luke has your wallet in his hockey bag, remember last night when you said you were gonna forget it so he took it for you” Ellen smiled as she looked through the rearview mirror to the girl who laughed over the phone as Dylan refused to hang up, stressing over the upcoming game versus his brother and Ohio state university.  “Ok, k bye see you later tonight”

Jim cleared his throat as they continued on the highway, “So you and Dylans huh?” Ellen turned around in her seat to see her niece red in the face. “It’s not like that” “Are you sure, I get a call nearly every week from Luke complaining that you two are way too close” the woman mused as she left her to her thoughts

Sure Dylan and her had been close, and the lines between friends and something more had been blurred slightly, but there was no talk of romance between the two.

She sat in the back of the car spiralling as they pulled up to the stadium where the family skate and game would be held over the weekend, “Don’t forget love, we have dinner with the Dukes tonight after the skate and media stuff” Ellen smiled as she handed the girl the hockey bag full of hats, mats, and skates from the trunk.

“Come on Yn, stop whining,” Luca said as he stood behind the girl who was still very lacking in the skating department. “I look like a newborn baby deer,” she said looking down at her shaking legs, “just cause you guys practically live on the ice doesn’t mean I do too” “You’re best friends with an entire college hockey team, it just kinda seems like something that comes with the job” Rutger added as he pretended to push her over making her lose her balance and falling onto the ice, a smile on her face as Dylan extended his hand out for her to take.

“Just hold my hand I’m not gonna let you fall,” he said as they skated around the outdoor rink. “I just threw up in my mouth” Mackie whispered to Nolan. “Let him have his moment, well chirp him later”

“So you’re telling me that they aren’t together?” Dylan’s mom looked over to her son Tyler and Luke as they shook their heads, both of them clueless as to what was happening between the couple. “She was telling me in the car that they are just friends” Ellen shrugged as she finished tying up her skate, “I don’t believe it though”

The Duke and Hughes family left early from the event in order to make it to their reservation at a small restaurant not even ten minutes away. She sat in between Dylan and Luke as the two older women sat on the other side of the table, skeptically staring at the pair as they lowly talked in their own separate conversation from the rest of the group.

“Your mom is glaring at us” she whispered to him with a laugh as they looked over to Ellen and Ms. Duke who were pretending to stare at their menus “My family thinks we are dating” “Ellen asked me if we were earlier too” her cheeks flushed pink as he laughed.

Duker’s leg bounced as he stared at her flustered expression, “Im gonna ask something and don’t feel pressured at all to say yes” She nodded with a smile and turned back to face him, “Do you want to go out on a date when we get back to Ann Arbour?” He asked sweetly making a grin break out on her face “I would love that” she pecked him on the cheek as he looked away for a second

“I KNEW IT!”

[one-squash-one-end]

speculate about Noah Czerny's sexuality with me

Hello fellow cool kids (age neutral), it's been a while. I'll try to wrap up the character parts of my giant trc analysis soon so I can get into the cool metaphors that would make my English teacher proud (or not, considering I overshare and use gen z/internet lingo a lot) and maybe have the full thing up eventually.

Today it's Noah time, and he's honestly kind of a hard character to do this for, since well, he isn't alive, but I tried my best to form a headcanon and would love to hear from you all!

Click to read and, as always, beware of spoilers for the entire raven cycle series <3

e) Noah Czerny

Starting where I left off, gender again. Alive Noah would absolutely identify as cis, which is what I’d somehow associate with him in general, but arguably he is trans as he does not have a gender.

‘Why does he not have a gender?’, you ask. He’s dead! Gender is a social construct; it does not transcend into death! But at the same time, he still has an identity as long as he is able to keep his ghost form, personality and free will in life. He chose his name himself, or well, not directly, but he chooses to still be called that, chooses to have a gender when he doesn’t have one, you know? I know, I’ve probably contradicted myself about three times so far already, but it’s just very complicated because there is a lot going on. What speaks out to me though is Blue and what she has to say about the matter. “She would keep calling whatever this was Noah for as long as it wanted to be called Noah.” Trans rights.

It is important to note that Whelk, the man who killed him, his ex best friend, is also just his ex boyfriend. Whelk does not seem entirely straight to me, and neither does his whole relationship with Noah. Noah probably also pulled a lot of girls when he was still alive, I bet that red Mustang was a real chick magnet back in 2005.

Then again, he does not express sexual desires or anything like that too much in the books, but at the same time he is not around too often. While he does seem interested in Blue at one point, saying he’d ask her out if he was alive, the line between friendship and romance is blurred a lot in the books, so presumably it’s the case with their make-out session as well, not platonic, not romantic, but a secret third thing (alterous). Maybe it’s also like how I would absolutely be in love with that one friend of mine if I wasn’t aro-ace, like a right person, wrong circumstance moment.

During Gangsey time I would call him panromantic demisexual, he just gives me the vibes as I’ve sort of explained, but alive!Noah seems like the sort of homophobic but sort of fruity status quo straight guy I’d be scared of.

Lastly, Blue could absolutely get him to wear a crop top, but once again, ghost Noah is very much different to me than alive Noah, and only ghost Noah would possess the crop top swag.

[bettyshoweduptotheparty]

1989 TV vault tracks first thoughts

Slut

Totally not what I expected, much more soft and reminiscent, was expecting something more salty or satirical in the direction of Blank Space

Loved the interpretation I saw on here earlier that it's being slut shamed for bearding relationships but because you love the girl it's actually worth it this time. The 'you' and 'he' pronouns would support that imo

Interesting title choice, the word slut actually only appears three times in the entire song

Say Don't Go

I'M OBSESSED!! I love this song so much, it has such an awesome pop vibe and fits the album so well, I've already danced in my car to it today

Nice little Alice reference 😉 (fading into madness)

The first few bars of the verses sound the same as Clean

'I'm standing on a tightrope alone' is my new favourite way of saying that only one person is in danger of getting hurt here. Miss Taylor Swift, writer of the world's most beautiful imagery has done it again. Also, nice shoutout to mirrorball. Love it when we get phrases and words in vault tracks that she later used in other songs

'cards you won't show'/'I'm about to fold' reminded me of Cornelia Street - 'back when we were card sharks, playing games/ I thought you were leading me on'

-> this makes so much sense that she would think that her Cornelia Street muse would lead her on if the previous one in fact did treat her that way. Love it when we get a song that fills the blanks in a story!

Now That We Don't Talk

not my favourite but not a skip either

'cannot be your friend/platonic' friendship-romance blurred lines

'You part the crowd like the Red Sea' - someone knows their bible stories, I felt that 😬

apparently the yacht is a haylor reference??

Suburban Legends

also a great bop, good mood driving song!

friends/romance blurred lines theme continues

Not sure what to make of the high school romance theme but very on brand for Taylor

'slide on a slippery plastic summer' gives me the mental image of Taylor's 4th July parties and waterslides

'born to be suburban legends' gives me big reputation vibes

Open ended: The muse doesn't knock anymore (does she have a key now??) 'and I always knew it' (what? did they end up together?)

Is It Over Now?

If we didn't know about I Can See You, this would be her earliest song with the most obvious sex references

wasn't expecting the strong references to cheating (lying traitor), thought if anything, that would come up in Slut

'wilt of the rose' -> 'flowers that we'd grown together died of thirst'

maybe the most salty picture of the muse: not only is this person a cheater, they also ignore her so hard that she's willing to jump off of things to provoke a reaction...

'say the one thing I've been wanting..but no' reminded me of 'I say I love you, you say nothing back' which strongly suggests to me that these two are about the same person

very much opposed to 'You're not saying you're in love with me, but you're going to' -> this is about a different person

found it a bit funny that the cheating partner here is being called out for sleeping with models 😉🤭 (sorry, not sorry)

Summary: they are all awesome, not a single skip! Slightly more clear why she so strongly needed to make a point of not sexualizing her friendships when she then throws five new songs out that all continue the age old theme of secret love in the dark and blurred lines between friendship and romance...*sigh*

[ash-and-books]

Rating: 3/5

Book Blurb: A bisexual teen girl tries to make her ex jealous by faking an Instagram romance that leads to surprisingly real feelings in this hijinks-filled rom-com perfect for fans of To All the Boys I’ve Loved Before and She Gets the Girl.

Ava “Fitz” Fitzgerald has worked hard to create the picture-perfect life she’s always wanted. She spent her junior year transforming her passion for sustainable fashion and upcycling into a viral online platform, maintaining a 4.0 GPA, and spending every free second with her soon-to-graduate girlfriend, Danica. And this summer she plans to take it all to the next level by attending a prestigious summer fashion program in New York City and convincing Dani that they can survive a year of long distance.

But when Dani dumps her before classes even start, accusing Fitz of being more invested in growing her online persona than deepening their relationship, she’s left not only heartbroken, but also creatively blocked.

Fitz will do anything to win Dani back, even if that means taking a break from the platform that she’s worked so hard to build. But just as she decides to go all-in on a hiatus, a chance encounter reunites her with Levi Berkowitz, her childhood best friend that she hasn’t seen since elementary school. Levi is struggling with heartbreak of his own, and this cosmic coincidence sparks a new use for her social media savvy. Fitz offers to help Levi craft a fake relationship online to make his person jealous…if in return he can pretend to be her boyfriend in front of Dani to make her jealous. If all goes according to plan, by the end of the summer they’ll both be reunited with their perfect partners and get to rekindle their friendship in the process.

Sometimes even the most carefully designed plans can come apart at the seams, though. And when real history leads to not-so-fake feelings, Fitz will have to decide if she’s finally willing to let go of what she thought was picture-perfect and choose what might actually be right for her.

Review:

A bisexual teen fashion influencer finds herself trying to win back her ex girlfriend by fake dating her old best friend... only she's beginning to fall for him too. Ava "Fitz" Fitzgerald is picture perfect on her Instagram, she's a bit of an influencer and wants to use her platform to further her career in fashion. Ava spends every second of her free time with with her girlfriend Danica, and assumed they were ready to say "I love you" to each other... only they end up in a fight and Danica dumps her. Fitz is desperate to win back Dani and on her first day of attending her prestigious summer fashion program in New York she runs into Levi Berkowitz. Levi was her best friend and someone she lost contact with after he ghosted her with no explanation. Levi is struggling with a heartbreak of his own, his girlfriend Sophie and him are on a break. Fitz and Levi decide to fake date to make their perspective ex significant others jealous and win them back, yet the more time they spend "fake dating" and actually hanging out and being together, the more the lines between real and fake blur and some very real feelings begin to grow. Can Fitz figure out what she wants before it all slips past her fingers, or will she crash and burn under the pressure of trying to not only find herself and her brand, but in trying to understand her own mental health. This was definitely an interesting messy romance drama, it features two characters who are both bisexual and they do live up to the bi disaster haha. Fitz is trying to win back her ex yet she's not finding herself and trying to sort out what her future means to her. I did enjoy seeing her grow by the end and this book did something not many books do, having the character focus on their own mental health and growth before getting into a new relationship. Levi was a sweet romantic interest and I did love the "plantscapades " they went on. Overall it's a cute young adult book with messy romance drama and I think that fans of To All the Bows I've Loved Before and She Gets the Girl will really enjoy it.

*Thanks Netgalley and Simon and Schuster Children's Publishing | Simon & Schuster Books for Young Readers for sending me an arc in exchange for an honest review*

[carlgrimesgfofficial]

MY OCS KISSING FOR THE FIRST TIME AAAHHHH

"wait, you ain't never got high before? nah!" marina laughed, eyelids heavy as she took a drag from the joint between her fingers. she and her best friend, alice, had been like this for an hour or two now. how long exactly, neither of them knew.

alice giggled sheepishly before replying. "i really haven't. i drank when i was a teen, but i never was able to get drugs. they're fun." she shook her head with a grin, resting her arms on her knees, crossing them at the wrists. 

alive had never pictured herself making it past sixteen, but here she was. it may not be the most healthy lifestyle, but it was a life nonetheless. and she was glad to have it.

especially since she had the greatest friend anyone could ever ask for. marina aguta. she loved her more than anything in the world, in several ways. but mari, as alice called her, only knew about one.

"hey ali," marina began, "you ever tried to do that pairs thing in gym, where you lock arms and try stand up, while you're high?" she asked, faint puffs of smoke floating out of her mouth as she spoke. 

alice shook her head, her grin growing wider at marina's suggestion. "no, but that sounds fun as fuck. let's do it," alice quickly agreed, spinning herself around so her back faced marina. marina put out her joint and turned as well, pressing her back to alice's and locking their arms together.

"on three, yeah?" marina chuckled, positioning her legs to prepare herself to stand. she felt the back of alice's head nudge hers, like she was nodding, before she heard alice respond. "yep," alice said and marina could hear the smile on her face. they were both always happiest together.

"one, two... three!" marina counted down before pushing against alice and feeling her pushing back, putting pressure on her feet to bring them upwards. 

alice could barely hold back her giggles as the slowly rose up. since it was her first time, the weed marina had skilfully rolled up for them to smoke had hit her a little harder and she couldn't stop laughing at everything. she even laughed as she slipped, causing them both to fall in a heap.

they stayed still for a moment before bursting into loud laughter. both wiping tears from their eyes as the giggling subsided, but the after-laugh sighs just set them off again until they couldn't breathe. 

after calming down a little and the fact that it was four in the morning kicking in, marina sat up, alice's head still resting on her lap. alice opened one eye and looked up at her inquisitively. marina looked down at her and stroked her hair affectionately.

some may say it was strange for two gay girls to be so touchy with each other and just be friends, but with them, the line between friendship and romance was a little too blurred for them to care. meaning cuddling wasn't a rare thing and they'd each seen each other topless a good few times.

"ali, bae," marina said softly, stopping her gentle movements. alice hummed quietly in protest before opening her eyes and looking at her curiously. "yeah, mari?" alice answered, her tongue darting out to trace her bottom lip.

marina said nothing. her eyes had followed the movement of alice licking her lip and were now fixed on the plump flesh. her lips looked so plump and soft and just.. kissable.

she couldn't tell if what she was feeling at the moment was real or if it was just her high getting in the way of her thoughts. "mari?" alice's voice pulled her back from her thoughts. "yeah.. nevermind. forgot what i was gon' say. don' mind it, sugar." marina replied quickly, shaking her head. 

"m'kay.. love you." alice said softly, her eyes fluttering shut as she rested her head back against mari's plush thighs. it was a normal thing for her to rest her head against marina, as she would always say how comfortable it was, but right now it made marina question how she felt about her friend.

all of a sudden, something in marina's mind snapped. without thinking, she leaned down and her lips met alice's. her lips were even softer than they looked. 

alice's eyes shot open the second she felt marina's lips touch hers. without her even realising, her dreams had just come true in an instant. she immediately melted into the kiss, her hand going up to cup marina's face. 

after a minute or so of soft yet passionate kissing, marina pulled away and they both caught their breath. foreheads pressed together and eyes locked on each other, alice couldn't help the smile that spread across her face and the slight chuckle she let out.

"what?" marina chuckled, unable to stay serious, despite the situation. that was the problem with her and alice, when they were together, nothing was serious. "nothing, just... i love you. so much," alice replied, gazing into marina's eyes with an expression of pure affection. she looked at her like she was the most precious thing in the world.

"i love you too.. alice." marina replied, a smile spreading across her face as she leaned in again, pressing her lips to alice's again. 

the two spent the rest of their night, i mean morning, cuddling and kissing, giggling about nothing. 

and as the sun rose slowly over the outline of the city, their fingers intertwined and they finally got the sleep they'd been putting off the whole night, in each other's arms.

[leithianxx]

I've been trying to tease apart why I've gone so terminally feral for this show in particular, and I think a big part of it is because it captures the feeling of falling in love so accurately that I feel like I'M falling in love. Butterflies in my stomach, nauseous when I think about it, can't STOP thinking about it love.

As much as we all love a classic rom-com/love story flick, they have wreaked havoc on our expectations of romance. The purpose of those films or shows are to play out our most grandiose fantasies of love and relationships, a level of drama we could never actually attain, as a form of escapism. There are no manic pixie dream girls whose sole personality is a brand of quirky that fits your interests and saves you from your disillusionment in life. In reality, pursuing someone so intensely without ever giving up or taking no for an answer until they finally win their love interest over has become a trope so pervasive that its bled into the insidious romantic imagination of Nice GuysTM world wide. In the real world, you probably will never have that spinny camera kiss in the pouring rain after you've beaten the odds and live happily ever after, and you might feel like nothing you can experience will ever live up to that feeling. Not to mention they're all heteronormative as fuck.

In OFMD the friends to lovers journey is tentative and slow. There's no moment where one of them takes their glasses off and they suddenly see the other in a whole new light. There's no one sided whining and pining, where there's no real interest in friendship and they only stick around hoping to someday get in the other's pants. They deeply care and fret about not ruining their friendship, about not making the other uncomfortable or pressured. Most of my personal long term relationships started out as friendships, and it was a delicate drawn out testing of the waters before it naturally evolved. And this is particularly common in queer relationships where the lines between platonic and romantic love are often blurred because there are no models of courtship to look to for guidance.

I've seen people talk about how their kiss was too awkward, but that's how real first kisses are. Confessing your feelings is mortifying and nerve wracking, and hearing it makes you blush and stammer. You miss their lips and knock your heads, you don't know where to put your hands. You're nervous. It's not perfect but it's sweet.

And hats off to Taika for absolutely nailing true heartbreak. It feels like your world is ending and your life has come crashing down like they show in the movies but it also makes you feel small and soft and scared. It's the squeak in your voice when someone asks you how you are and you can feel yourself trying not to cry but you can't stop it. It's feeling so emotionally exhausted that you can't even bring your self to be angry, you'd just rather curl up into a ball and die. It's thinking you're moving on until something small reminds you of them and you ugly cry until snot is running down your face and you can't catch your breath. It's hiding under your covers and writing shit poetry in your notes app.

OFMD isn't "I wish I could experience this love story." OFMD is "I have experienced this love story." Falling in love can be the most huge, overwhelming, transcendental part of the human experience. It doesn't need exaggeration. It's the little things, it's like Mary says. It's them understanding your idiosyncrasies and finding them charming. It's exposing each other to new things and new ideas. It's laughing a lot. It's passing the time well.

It's mundane and it's amazing. It's easy, it's like breathing. This show has made me fall in love with the idea of falling in love all over again.

[crisalidaseason]

Hey could you make more LGBTQIA+ of others aot characters like the one of Eren? I really like it and thought it would be fun if you did the others too

Hi! Of course I can. Also, sorry that I am late, I was a bit busy with work and university.

This is a post with all the scouts but if you'd like me to write about a specific character, feel free to ask me. I am also thinking about writing a part 2 with the warriors, let me know if anyone wants it.

Warning! LGBTQIA+ content will be discussed. There might be suggestive adult content and minors should not read this. I can't see any triggers but let me know if you find any. Also, respect is a must, please don't be mean or aggressive if you don't agree with something.

AOT characters and LGBTQIA+ headcanons (modern au!)

Characters: Jean, Connie, Armin, Marco, Mikasa, Sasha, Historia and Ymir

Jean

A bissexual. I don't think he would be that much in denial to be honest (he has a mullet! if he can grow a mullet he can accept his sexuality just fine)

Him and Marco shared their first kiss together just out of curiosity that spiralled into a existencial crisis and questioning.

He thinks all boys will break his heart and gets too insecure to date them, just one night stands are enough.

LOVES THE NON BINARY FOLKS, he thinks they are a gift from the gods.

Also, has a huge thing for bissexual women that can step on him (had a crush on Mikasa because she looks like she could step on him multiple times)

Loves tormenting Eren about his glass closet.

Gets tormented by Connie whenever a cute boy or girl flirts with him

Connie

Says he is straight out of sheer lazyness. Doesn't question his sexuality because he's just vibing and existing.

The biggest ally king! The kind of person that nobody feels scared to come out to because he is a sweetheart and will not make weird questions or comments.

I know Sasha taught him well, so he respects pronouns like a pro and makes big effort to never misgender anybody.

The kind of guy to sit on Jean's lap like it's a completely normal and straight thing to do (you know those boys in the classroom that look SO GAY but are just extremely confortable with each other?).

When Jean came out as bisexual, Connie was not surprised at all. He was like that audio that says "you look like a sprinkles guy"

Armin

He was raised very sheltered, but his grandpa was so supportive that Armin never felt unsafe to explore his sexual orientation or gender identity. Denial wasn't something he dealt with very strongly.

I think Armin would date everyone as long as they are nice and respectfull towards everyone.

Demissexual king! Connection is key for Armin.

Him and Marco had a thing for a while during college. I don't know why, but I think they would be introduced via Jean and connect so fast that the lines between friendship and romance would blur a little. It wasn't a relationship per se, but they shared a few good kisses.

Sometime during college he started questioning gender identity because he likes being perceived as ambiguous or even feminine.

Eren and Mikasa were extremely supportive and always making sure nobody mistreats him.

He knew Eren had a crush on him during their teenage years. It was weird and awkward, he is happy Eren grew out of it.

Marco

Gay king that always knew he was gay! He has two extremely supportive mothers so denial or hiding in the closet was never an option.

I also think he wouldn't hide his sexuality from anything and be really active on LGBTQIA+ demands. He would definetly organize a protest if school or college disrespected someone from the community.

A sweet and supportive friend to anyone in the closet. He helped Jean understand his bissexuality and loved to discuss the nuances of sexual orientation and gender theories with Armin.

Had a HUGE crush on Jean and sometimes still feels butterflies when looking at him.

Had a thing with Armin (as I said before) and it was one of the best romantic interactions he had because Armin is so smart and interesting.

Jean sometimes is really overprotective of Marco. Many homophobic men threatened Marco in the past and Jean is always worried about something happening.

Mikasa

Much like Armin, I think she wouldn't be labeling as much. She likes people in general, but has a soft spot for anyone who is perceived as feminine.

The kind of friend that never explicity tells you she's queer. You just find out some random day when she introduces her girlfriend (who is tottaly not Annie because they have such a rival to lovers vibe).

She would love working with Marco as an activist. Definetly helps intimidate every LGBTQIAphobic asshole.

Everyone has a GINORMOUS crush on her and all the boys are "damn, mika, leave some of them for us".

She gets really annoyed with the constant attention because she is not a flirty person at all. Actually, she's a little blunt and people can confuse it with being rude or cold.

Has a little bit of trust issues, much like Jean. She loves really hard and is afraid of breaking her heart.

Eren is always supportive of her relationships but also vigilant. Nobody hurts his bestie (even though she is WAY MORE intimidating than him).

She is dating Annie, you cannot convince me otherwise, this shipp is endgame to me. Isayama played me so badly.

Sasha

She is an assexual panromantic queen.

She probably never dated anyone because she felt broken, until she found out the wonders of the aroace community and felt extremely welcomed and happy.

She is so wholesome and everytime anyone has questions about anything LGBTQIA+ related, she tries her best to answer.

The kind of girl to wear the color scheme of the aroace flags and also has multiple pins on her backpack.

Always worried she doesn't look "gay enough" when going out and sends Mikasa a picture of her outfit for "gayness evaluation".

Mikasa was the first person she came out as ace. Connie was the second.

Sometimes feels bad and thinks she will never have a SO because of her sexuality.

Historia and Ymir

Yes, I paired them up because Isayama ripped them appart!

I hate stereotypes but they are quite the lesbian stereotype! They met as teens during high school and are still together to this day. Moved in together during college and are planning to marry soon!

Historia never really cared for sexuality because she found Ymir, her first and only lover. She just saw Ymir one day and was like "omg I need that grumpy cutie". Safe to say she is Ymirssexual.

Ymir is a raging lesbian, much like Marco she always knew she liked girls. Historia was endgame for her, it was instant love, never wanted anyone else. Safe to say she is Historiassexual.

They look like the "grumpy tomboy x sunshine girly" trope but you can see they have nuances. Their relationship is so cute and built on companionship and trust.

People often think Ymir is the "man of the relationship" and Historia gets super angry because she hates those kinds of comments. One time Ymir had to hold His before she kicked somebody's ass.

They have a couple instagram that has MANY followers! They post those cute aesthetic pictures that scream lesbians and are planing on making a Youtube channel about their lives.

People consider them the lesbian moms of all their young queer followers.

[blackcherrykiss]

BLOOD BOUNDARIES - Enhypen OT7 Fanfic (ch.1)

[CH.2 ] next chapter

genre: vampire au, romance, drama, mystery, thriller

note: written inspired by enhypen's storyline, given-taken lyrics & teasers. please keep in mind all members are apart of this fanfic and the main theme is mystery/drama! 

*note: pronouns she/her is used just in the beginning for the reader/whoever you imagine in this situation.

I

Wispy grass cuts at her ankles like shards of glass as she gravitated toward the endless forest. She had grown curious after desperate and painful cries could be heard from the forest during the deadly hours of the night. These cries had been going on for days if not weeks, keeping her wide awake at night. She now stood just a few feet away from the thin line between sun-glazed grass and a gravely dim forest. It was as if the shadowed forest was calling her name until a cold hand wrenched at her wrist.

"What the hell do you think you're doing?!" Jungwon quickly stopped Y/N from getting any closer to the darkness that radiated from the unknown.

"Why does it matter? And let go of my wrist it hurts!" She raised her voice while trying to haul her arm out of his painfully tight grip.

"It's against the rules!" Jungwon urged.

It was true, the adults and caregivers at the boarding school had always mentioned that the forest was forbidden for many unanswered reasons. But breaking the rules wasn't something that would cause Jungwon to act like this.

"As if you haven't broken any rules before," Y/N's eyes almost rolled to the back of her head when she said that. "It wasn't like I was actually going to go anyways..." Her tone lowered, letting go of any curiosity beyond the boundary to avoid a further argument with him.

"Sorry... I was just... Worried." He muttered with a wave of relief in his shaky voice. His tense shoulders had finally lowered as he exhaled with a long breath.

"Worried?" Y/N says with a clear question mark in her voice, "So you hear it too at night... Don't you?"

"Hear what at night?" Y/N could hear the very lie slip right through his tongue.

"The cries in the woods late at night. Don't act like you don't hear it Yang Jungwon."

He froze, his body growing stiffer and tenser at the sound of his full name being said.

"Look, I don't know... Let's just head back... Our curfew isn't long and you know that." He shook his head and pulled her by the wrist, this time without as much force.

II

Jungwon was just another one of your friends. If anything, the two of you weren't that close. But these days, your friendship had actually begun to deepen with him. You were both oddly similar and clicked faster than most people. And with his calm and mature personality, talking with him was never a chore.

However, seeing him so worked up and hostile over "breaking rules" was so unusual. The vivid memory only seemed to linger in the back of your mind along the walk back.

"Jungwon are you hiding something from me?" You trailed behind, ensuring your heels pedalled in harmony up the concrete steps.

"I'm not hiding anything." He sighed with a clear rise of frustration in his bleak tone.

The sound of his sharp sigh intimidated you, creating a deafening silence throughout the rest of the journey back. The loud sound of nothingness only came to an end once you had crossed paths with a familiar face.

"Oh, Yang Jungwon! I was waiting for you." A scarlet haired boy hollered.

You knew the red-head. It was no other than Lee Heeseung but it wasn't like he knew your face or your name. You were always kind of a nobody to people. Meanwhile, Heeseung was part of a collection of boys who happen to be the hottest topic amongst the female dorm. Who doesn't know them?

"Who's this?" Heeseung sneaked in a smile that exposed his pearly teeth after you connected eyes with him.

"You should get going Y/N... I'll explain another time." Jungwon shook his head, trying to end any further conversation between you and Heeseung.

"You're friends with him?" You whispered, completely ignoring what he had just said. Your eyes could just not believe they were seeing Lee Heeseung so up close. You couldn't help it, he was so pretty for no reason. You stare in awe only to trip up the last step of the staircase, scraping your hand horribly against the pavement in an attempt to catch yourself. Your face began to bubble with embarrassment, a slow but hot burn boiling at your cheeks. Perhaps your falling made it quite obvious you were distracted by the look of Heeseung as he was quick to react.

"Are you alright?" Heeseung came closer from behind Jungwon, making you dizzy with the feeling of hallucination. You were so convinced he was a hologram.

"It's only bleeding a bit. I'll be fi..." You couldn't finish your sentence now that you were utterly lost in his eyes. He crouched down beside you with eyes that glittered like the first snow. You were pathetically falling for him at that moment, breathless.

"Are you sure?" He took your hand with a feathery touch, bringing himself dangerously close to exam it. He knew exactly what he was doing as his scent lured you deep into his entrance. "Your hand doesn't look alright." Heeseung hummed as your hand oozed with crimson blood when he applied pressure near the wound. The sight of the excessive amount of bright red liquid streaming down to your forearm causing you to wince.

There was something about seeing others bleed that didn't affect you as much as seeing your own. It was as if the wound hurt a thousand times more now that you could visibly see the blood coming out of you.

"I have bandaids in my d-dorm. I think I have tissues in my bag a-actually.." You said a little more light-headed as more blood streamed down the side of your palm. Heeseung's clutch on your flesh only seemed to turn his knuckles white when you said that.

"Is that so?" Heeseung brought your wrist close to his lips to the point where you could feel the steam of his breath hit your flesh. Before you question him further he began licking from where the blood had rolled down, up until the tip of his tongue met the fresh wound. You were at a loss of words as Jungwon yanked you as far away as possible from Heeseung.

Your head went into a blur as Jungwon spun you around with quick steps. You weren't sure what was happening or where he was even dragging you but whatever just happened, had left a weird taste in your mouth.

"Slow down Jungwon... I'm getting really light-headed." You said while clenching onto your forehead but he didn't seem to stop. "Jungwon what's the matter with you?!" You shouted, causing him to finally stop in his tracks.

You caught your breath and kept losing balance trying to stand still. Your head was spinning and you started to feel sick to your stomach.

"I didn't mean for your introduction with Heeseung to be like that... God, this is so messed up? I'll take you to the nurse, don't worry about this all... Shit, I'm so sorry..." He began rambling as he shook his head.

"No... No, it's alright just drop me off to the girl's dorm I'll be fine. I just don't know what's going on. That was just kind of weird... Right? I'm not crazy right?" You just couldn't believe Heeseung had just licked your hand, your blood. It was so alarming and strange.

"Just stay away from him. Please."

_____

 I know the first chapter was super lame but I swear the other chapters get more interesting. Every detail I include in this book is important to make a mental note of. only going to update on here if people find this interesting :)

[CH.2 ] next chapter

[peachscribe]

peach’s summer book list

i had a lot of fun compiling the list of books i read during the 20-21 winter, so i decided i would do a summer one as well! i still have a lot of books i own but haven’t read, so im definitely not lacking in material

if you didn’t see my winter list, how my book list works is basically like this: i read a book that i own but have not previously read, write a short summary immediately after finishing the book, write down my thoughts on the book, and then provide a rating for the book. i also might include background info on why i read this particular book/feelings about the author, but that depends on the book. that’s how each entry works

without further ado, let’s get started!

1. Grasshopper Jungle by Andrew Smith

okay so i absolutely adore another book by andrew smith (written after grasshopper jungle) called the alex crow. it’s one of my favorite books of all time, so naturally i wanted to see if grasshopper jungle would make me feel similarly. just like the alex crow, grasshopper jungle’s plot is. so fucking weird. it stars austin szerba, a teenage polish kid who lives in ealing, iowa, and is often sexually confused regarding his girlfriend shann and his best friend robby. and in ealing, iowa, austin and robby accidentally and unknowingly unleash an unstoppable army of huge six-foot-tall praying mantis bugs that only want to do two things: fuck and eat. and i just have to say: andrew smith’s got an absolutely dynamo writing style. alex crow is similar, where it’s a book about kind of everything all at once, framed in a moment centering around teenage boys. it’s fantastic, and it’s more than a little gross, and i love it. this book made me feel so many things, and i thought austin was such an amazing narrator and main character to identify with. this book has it all: shitty teenage boy humor, fucked up science experiments, and poetic imagery that will make you want to cry. and explicit lgbt characters.

412/10 andrew smith what do you put in your water i just want to know

2. Burn by Patrick Ness

patrick ness has written a plethora of some of my favorite books (such as a monster calls, the chaos walking trilogy, and the rest of us just live here) so when i saw this one in the store i knew it would be a great one. burn is an alternate history fantasy that takes place in 1957 frome, washington, during the height of the cold war, and it begins with a girl named sarah and her father hiring a dragon to help out on their farm. but there’s not just dragons, farm living, and cold war tensions; there’s also a really shitty small town cop, a cult of dragon worshippers and their deadly teenage assassin, a pair of fbi agents, and a prophecy that sarah’s newly hired dragon claims she’s a part of. i think eoin colfer’s highfire was on my winter list, which also featured a story that included dragons and shitty cops, so when i first began burn i thought it was funny to have two books that had both things. you know, if you had a nickel etc etc. but that’s really where the similarities end because burn is entirely it’s own monster (dragon). burn is entirely invested in its world, and its fascinating. not only that, i had no clue where the book would take me next. there were so many surprises and amazing twists that honestly just blew me away. this book also includes beautifully written complicated discussions on family, race, and love - it features interracial and queer romances as the two most prominent romance plots which was such a nice surprise from a book i wasn’t expecting to have that kind of representation. this book is witty, fast-paced, and a very heartening read - i absolutely adored it.

9/10 dragons and becoming motivated by the power of love and friendship are so fucking cool

3. As Meat Loves Salt by Maria McCann

i hate this book! as meat loves salt is a historical fiction novel which takes place in seventeenth century england, which is going through a grisly civil war. the protagonist, jacob cullen, is a servant for a wealthy household and is engaged to another servant in the house. but due to certain events that are almost entirely jacob’s fault, he flees the house and is separated from his wife. from there, he joins the royal army and meets a kind soldier, ferris, and the two become fast friends. jacob and ferris’s relationship begins to bridge past friendly, and jacob struggles with his homoerotic feelings as well as the growing obsession and violence inside him. also, they try to start a colony. listen, i don’t know how to describe the book because so much happens, but it basically just follows jacob and all the terrible decisions he makes because he is, truly, a terrible person. ferris is kind and good, and jacob is scum of the earth. he sucks so bad. the entire time i was reading this book (which took absolutely so long), all i wanted was for jacob to just get his ass handed to him. i wanted to see him suffer. and it’s not like i just personally don’t like him - i believe the book purposefully depicts him as unsympathetic even though he is the narrator. i did enjoy the very in depth and accurate portrayal of what life would’ve been like in seventeenth century england, and i think it was interesting to read a character that is just the absolute worst person you’ve ever encountered and see him try and justify his actions, so if you enjoy that kind of thorough writing, then this book would be perfect for you. however, i did not see that bitch ass motherfucker jacob cullen suffer enough. i’d kill him with my bare hands.

2/10 diversity win! the worst man on earth is mlm!

4. This Savage Song by Victoria Schwab

i know ive had a friend tell me how great one of schwab’s other book series is, but truthfully i bought this book because the cover is sick as hell and it was on a table in the store that advertised for buy two get one free, i think. something like that. anyway, this savage song takes place in a future in which monsters, for whatever reason, suddenly became real and out for blood in a mysterious event nicknamed the phenomenon. august flynn is one of these monsters, but he takes no pride in that fact and only wants to feel human. kate harker is the daughter of a ruthless man and is trying her hardest to be ruthless, too, but deep down she knows it’s just an act. their city, verity, stands divided, and kate and august stand on either side - but when august is sent on a mission to befriend kate in the hopes of stopping an all out war, the lines begin to blur. this book rules. august and kate are such interesting and dynamic characters, and the narrative is familiar while still being capable of twisting the story around and taking the feet out from under you in really compelling ways. this savage song is part of the monsters of verity duology, and i can’t wait to dive into how the story continues and finishes.

11/10 sometimes you can judge a book by it’s cover

4a. Our Dark Duet by Victorian Schwab

this is the sequel and finale for this savage song and i’d figure i’d update everyone: fantastic ending, beautiful, showstopping, painful.

12/10 loved it and will definitely be keeping an eye out for schwab’s other books

5. White is for Witching by Helen Oyeyemi

oh boy. okay. white is for witching is about a house, and it is about the women who have lived inside of it. when her mother dies abroad, miranda silver begins to act strangely, and there’s nothing her father or her twin brother seem to be able to do about it. she develops an eating disorder and begins to hear voices in the silver family house, converted to a bed and breakfast by miranda’s dad; and she begins to lose herself in the house and the persistent presence of her family legacy. white is for witching switches perspective dizzingly and disorientingly between miranda, her twin eliot, miranda’s friend from school named ore, and the house itself. this story is a horror story as much as it as a tragedy as much as it is a romance as much as it is a bunch of other things. oyeyemi brings race, sexuality, nationality, and family into this story and forces you not to look away. this book is poetry.

(like i mentioned briefly, this book heavily deals with topics of race and closely follows miranda’s eating disorder. read responsibly, and take care of yourselves)

15/10 this book consumed me and i think i’ll have to read it another 10 more times to feel it properly

6. These Violent Delights by Chloe Gong

okay. okay. strap in for a ride. these violent delights is a romeo and juliet style story, taking place in glittering 1920’s shanghai. the city stands divided - not only between the foreign powers encroaching on chinese land, but also between the scarlet gang and the white flowers, who are at the height of a generations-long blood feud. juliette cai, heir to the scarlets, has recently returned from four years abroad and is determined to prove herself ruthless enough to lead. roma montagov, heir to the white flowers, is standing strenuously on his place as next in line due to a slip up four years prior and is desperate to keep hold of his title. and in the midst of juliette and roma’s burning history with each other threatening to combust, an unnatural monster lurks in the waters of shanghai, loosing a madness on scarlets and white flowers alike. this book has it all - scorned ex lovers, political intrigue, deadly monsters, and all set on a glamorous backdrop of the roaring twenties. i absolutely was enraptured by this book and the way it plays around the story of romeo and juliet so well that it easily became it’s own monster, but with the punches and embraces of something classically shakespearan. gong does just an absolutely breathtaking job of fitting this fantastical story amid the larger world of shanghai and the real life historical events that had shaken the city to its core. completely immersive and outstandingly heart racing.

17/10 i was chewing on my fingernails for the last thirty pages and will continue to do so until the sequel is released (our violent ends, 16 nov 21)

7. The Antiques by Kris D’Agostino

you ever heard of the american dysfunctional family story? this is most definitely that. at the same time george westfall’s cancer takes a turn for the worse, a hurricane hits the east coast, and suddenly all at once the issues of his health, the hurricane, and all three of his children’s achingly dysfunctional adult lives are crashing into each other. reunited by george’s death, the westfall siblings have to face their grief, each other, and the problems in their own lives they attempted to put on hold while planning their father’s memorial. this is a nice story about grief and loss and love and somehow finding the humor amidst it all.

(this book does include a depiction of an autistic child who does experience several pretty bad meltdowns due to ignorant people around him not understanding how to cater to his needs. im not an authority on what depictions are or are not harmful, but i do believe this depiction is ultimately loving and well-intended.)

7/10 it made me laugh and cry and was generally one of those books that somehow hit you close to home

8. Fierce Fairytales by Nikita Gill

fierce fairytales is a poetry anthology that reimagines classic fairytales from a modern, feminist viewpoint, acknowledging that the line between hero and villain, monster and damsel, are not as clear cut as the classics try to make you believe. this book also includes illustrations done by the author herself, which i think is really cool. my personal favorite story reimagining was the story of peter pan and captain hook, called ‘boy lost’ which looked at how peter and hook’s relationship began and rotted. all in all, i think this collection of stories had a lot of important things to say and said them in frank, easy to understand poetry and prose.

7/10 beautiful message and pretty prose, but at times a little cliche

and that’s all from the summer! my fall semester starts tomorrow, and overall i feel very good about all the reading i did this summer. i even read four other books not on this list for work! so i definitely feel like i made the most out of my time, and im really glad i was able to read so many stories that made me feel a variety of different things

thanks so much for reading this list, and let me know if you read or have read any of these books and tell me what you think of them!

happy reading<3

[bisexualbumblebee-writes]

Dwarrowtober 2022 Day 30: Friendship- Fili Durin x OC

Fili Durin x Aurora Goodchild

Description: The line between friendship and romance is blurred. 

Word Count: 1k

For as long as he could remember, his mother had always told him that the best relationships started with friendship. And, from what he could tell, it was true. It happened with his mother and father, and he’d seen it happen with Mr. Dwalin and Mrs. Astrea. So he kept that mindset as he continued to grow up and make more friends. So far he hadn’t had any luck. Any friends he made stayed that way as he hadn’t felt any more of a connection to any of them, which dampened his spirits a bit. 

Then along came a little Hobbit named Aurora. She was born to Leuda and Lavina Goodchild when he was just ten years old. To be honest, Fili didn’t really pay her much mind at first. She was just a baby after all, and he had more important things to do like go on adventures with Kili and fight the bad guys their imaginations conjured up that kept them from whatever treasure they sought out. 

It stayed that way for quite a while until ten years later, when she was ten and he was nearing twenty. Their village was relatively small compared to the kingdom that it used to be, so everyone knew just about everyone. That meant Fili at least knew about her, but he didn’t actually meet her until one day when he was running from the aftermath of a prank he’d pulled with Kili. They didn’t have a destination per se, they just needed to hide before anyone could find them. 

That’s why when his younger brother suddenly yanked him inside a building he didn’t question it. They were suddenly in a semi dark room that was filled with shelves upon shelves of books. It was the library, Fili realized as he looked around. Several windows lined the walls but they were mostly covered as it was a sunny day outside and the librarian likely didn’t want the books to get bleached. 

“Man, that was a close one,” Kili laughed breathlessly. 

“Shh!” They suddenly heard. Their heads snapped in the direction of the voice, and they were met with a short girl walking towards them with a stack of books in her hands. It was that Hobbit girl, Fili realized. What was her name? Anna? Alise?

“Oh, hey Aurora,” Kili greeted, the casualness in his tone making Fili face him with a curious look. Since when were Kili and her on first name terms?

“Kili,” the girl, Aurora, sighed. “How many times have I told you that you must be quiet when you’re in the library? My mother is this close to banning you and you’re not helping your case by practically yelling at your brother.” Her scolding made Kili look down ashamedly, but he quickly got over it and shot a smile at the girl. 

“Nah, Mrs. Lavina likes me too much to ban me.” Aurora didn’t seem to have an argument against that because she shook her head with another sigh before her eyes met the older Durin’s. 

“I don’t believe we’ve met yet,” she started, setting the stack of books down and holding out her hand to him. “I’m Aurora Goodchild.” 

“Fili Durin,” the Dwarf answered, taking her hand and shaking it. 

“I know,” she muttered. “Kili talks about you a lot. I’m gonna take a guess and say he hasn’t mentioned me to you.” 

“Unfortunately not. I’ve heard your name several times, but to be honest I thought you were just an imaginary friend.” That made both of them laugh while Kili merely pouted. 

And that’s what started an amazing friendship between the two. Aurora often found herself joining in on the brother’s schemes and helping execute them. Well, she usually came up with the escape plan on the especially playful ones (a.k.a. the ones that would get them in the most trouble), but her part was still important. Then Fili found himself hanging out with her one on one without Kili. They didn’t do much. Most of the time he’d just join her in the library as she studied books on the language(s) she was trying to learn, or they would go to the places he and Kili had discovered long ago and sit there talking until it was nearly dark. 

Fili had no idea at what point he started falling in love with the Hobbit, but he knew it didn’t happen recently. He did know he realized it while watching his brother fall in love with another Hobbit. It was around the halfway point of the quest to save Erebor, and Fili was quick to notice when his brother developed a crush on a Hobbit witch(?) that had joined Thorin’s Company. The duo had become quick friends, but the older Durin knew that there was something more to the inside jokes Kili and Rosemary had created or the subtle glances to each other when they were in peril. 

The realization struck him as he watched them sit beside each other by the fire one night. They were immersed in their own little world, talking about who knows what and laughing about what was probably a new inside joke between them. He watched as the line between friendship and romance became blurred as a chill swept through the air. Rosemary had shivered as she’d taken off her wet from the rain jacket earlier, and Kili wasted no time in wrapping his arm around her and pulling her closer to him. The sight made Fili smile as he watched the friends beginning to fall in love. 

“They would make a nice couple,” he suddenly heard from beside him. He didn’t need to look to know who it was, but that didn’t stop him from facing Aurora with a small smile. Her eyes were on the younger couple, but Fili felt something different about how she said it. And that’s when the lines blurring began for him. Within a few seconds of Aurora sitting beside him he suddenly realized he was in love with her. 

“Yes, they would,” he answered softly, realizing that she’d become worried if he didn’t answer. Aurora’s eyes lingered on the couple for a moment before meeting Fili’s eyes. She seemed surprised that he was still looking at her. 

“Are you okay, Fee?” A small smile formed on Fili’s face as he nodded. 

“Perfect,” was his only answer.

[daisyachain]

hi!! i've been reading through your ao no flag liveblogs lately and they're really interesting! i enjoy seeing someone so passionate about this manga and it makes me want to reread it .... i'm really interested in hearing what you have to say about masumi's ending though!! part of me thinks it makes sense but i'm mostly conflicted on it and would love to see it from your perspective ^^

haha well thank you! ah yes, the arc that created as much controversy as you can get in an active readership of like 10 people...

Blue Flag is an imperfect story, but it also gets a lot of flack for things that a) didn't...actually...happen, b) didn't happen in the way people think they did.

Part 1: Is it actually straightwashing?

The most common criticism I see of Masumi's ending is that she was written as a lesbian character and straightwashed at the end. Marrying off a female character as a way to 'fix' her issues is a common and harmful trope, and saying that lesbian women just need to get a man is a widespread homophobic trope and talking point. So, it's not a good look. To have a character angst over interest in a woman and end up happily married to a guy reads like a '50s pulp novel that just uses f/f attraction for marketing.

But, if the intention of the ending was to show that Masumi should give up on women and force herself to date men, then it doesn't. Mitsuyuki's description of her is 'look at my bisexual wife who has dated both women and men and could also have married a woman', which is an odd choice if the intention was straightwashing. It feels more like a clumsy way to make sure that, in a series full of ambiguity, there could be no argument that Masumi was queer. That isn't to say that cisstraight people don't view bisexuality as less/better than/straighter than her being lesbian and that making a previously gay character bisexual isn't still straightwashing (increasing the appearance of straightness).

Part 2: Was it actually a retcon?

So: Masumi's ending reaffirms that she's a WLW. One question is, was she always meant to be bisexual, or was she originally written as lesbian?

Blue Flag doesn't have a lot of straight (no pun intended) answers. Taichi never expresses any explicit attraction to guys, but there is enough subtext to suggest he's attracted to Touma well before the finale. Futaba believes she is attracted to Touma at first and is shown to be attracted to him using the visual shorthand of manga (blushing, etc.), but she later says that it was just misinterpreted admiration. Mami doesn't want to date Touma or any man, but she implies that she is attracted to Touma when she says around him she was 'glad to be a woman.' Within the main romance, Futaba says that it was specifically because Taichi was a friend to her that she grew to like-like him. The lines between friendship and romance are blurred in Blue Flag, and sometimes romance can only grow out of friendship.

Masumi has a tense conversation with Taichi in the first half after she breaks up with her boyfriend that most people (me included) read as her saying that she tried guys and she just isn't and can't be attracted to them. However, it's Blue Flag, so the conversation is unfocused and doesn't paint a complete picture.

"Even if I get a boyfriend, I can never make it work"/"I don't know why [I don't like him anymore]" seem to imply that Masumi realized that she was feeling compulsory heterosexuality and that she will never like men. "[I don't know] why he like someone like me"/"You can be friends with potential sexual partners? With both guys and girls?"/"I just wanted to hear how you men feel about [a girl liking other girls]" seem to imply that Masumi is bisexual and is afraid to date because someone might find out. Maybe she's written as questioning--she knows she likes Futaba, but she's feeling out other possibilities. It's Blue Flag, so it's unclear.

Part 3: How does it work with Masumi's arc?

Diving further into Masumi's story, she acts as a foil to Touma (and Futaba, see later). Touma feels free to show his affection for Taichi as a friend as well as a love interest and almost confesses to him of his own free will, well before he's forced to. Touma tells her that he intends to try and set Taichi up with Futaba (because they would be good for each other), and also that he intends to pursue Taichi in some way. He tells her he's "not like [her]."

For Masumi's part, she tells Touma that she wants to express more affection for Futaba--not necessarily in a romantic way, just to participate more fully in that relationship--but she's afraid to, she doesn't feel confident enough to try, and that she's "the worst" because of it. We see this theme repeated, that Masumi is pessimistic, is afraid to trust people and hates herself for being afraid. Her conversations with Aki and Mami explore this; Aki tells her that it's not bad to be insecure or unready and that it's fine to keep a secret/stay closeted until she's ready, Mami tells her that she does have people she can trust, who care about her and who will do their best to understand her and help out. Why am I typing all this out? Because Masumi is a bitter, insecure wlw and that is an Established Trope, but her twist on it is that her negativity or bitterness isn't over her attraction to women/to Futaba or even over the reaction she might get from others (as Touma's is), it's over her own insecurity. Like Futaba, she's hesitant to act on her feelings, and like Futaba, she gets frustrated and hates herself for her own inaction.

All that is to say--Masumi is never shown to have a problem with her attraction to women. Her angst isn't gayngst, she's not ashamed of her feelings for Futaba bur rather her inability to express them. Her problems are with social attitudes and more with her own personal feelings--she and Touma face similar problems, but Touma is simply aware of the consequences (being roughed up and ostracised by a certain group of people) while Masumi feels a more generalized and ambiguous fear.

If Masumi were shown to have mixed feelings about her queerness/were shown to be in denial/were shown to be trying to move on from Futaba, then her ending would read more as straightwashing. As it is, there's nothing in her character and arc to say that she'd ever want to erase that part of herself or get rid of it, rather, she wishes she could embrace it but she just doesn't feel confident in doing it. Her ending shows her as an openly bisexual woman who is out to her friends and husband at the very least, which is a completion of her arc in the manga (of learning to trust other people and express her feelings honestly).

Part 4: What context clues does the rest of the series give us?

This is branching off a little from the strict text of Parts 1-3. As I've said, as we know, Blue Flag is 50% subtext and interpretation. Characters speak, but they don't say what they mean, characters think, but they're not always honest with themselves or in tune with reality. Mami is an ominous and antagonistic figure in the first half, but then it just turns out that Taichi was jumping to conclusions. Taichi is the main character and narrator, but we get radio silence from him for like 7 chapters after the climax. Taichi is bisexual, but the reader has to guess that from the way the art style shifts between PoVs, the similar panelling between Futaba and Touma's confessions, the things he does and does not think about Touma and how he feels about them. It's safe to say that there is room for speculation.

First, there is no explicit evidence that Taichi could be bisexual before ch 54. It's easy to tell that he is, but again, there's nothing specific. Some people reading Blue Flag have said that him marrying Touma was out of character, unforeshadowed, bizarre, inexplicable, etc. because their experienced is coloured by their own heterosexuality. Masumi is shown to have dated a guy and in saying she didn't like him "anymore," implied that she did like him. Her conflicted feelings over her bf could well have been foreshadowing her liking men as well, and my reading that as comphet could have just been my own experience colouring the text. Who knows! Taichi's bisexuality was intentional from the start but could be read as a last-minute twist, so why not Masumi's?

Second, Mitsuyuki is Futaba 2.0. Same colouring, same personality. This could feel like a way of saying "Masumi just needs to like guys instead," but to me it reads deeper with some of the trans subtext around Futaba. One of my issues with Blue Flag is that it doesn't go further into Futaba's admiration/envy for masculinity and her uncomfortable relationship with femininity. As a cis woman who wants to be buff and mildly masculine, I can understand why she's a cis girl throughout and I don't necessarily think that she was supposed to be a trans guy. However, her relationship with masculinity draws a parallel to Mitsuyuki. Reading Mitsuyuki as a cis man, he is the combination of Futaba's personality and looks with her 'ideal form.' So, Masumi marrying Mitsuyuki can read as Masumi marring Ascended FutabaTM.

Third, Futaba having a faceless prop husband is interesting in the context of Mitsuyuki getting a name and personality. Mitsuyuki = Futaba and Mr. Kuze is a blank space, so the reader is prompted to reduce the scenario and slot Masumi into that blank space. Given Masumi and Touma's history as foils, I'm inclined to think that Mitsuyuki exists to show the road not taken. Back at the fireworks, Touma tells Masumi that he hasn't given up on Taichi, and Masumi says she doesn't intend to pursue Futaba even though the pining is making her miserable. Given that Futaba reacts a lot better to the idea of Masumi liking her than Taichi reacts to the idea of Touma liking him, given that we see Masumi has successfully wooed male!Futaba, I think that Masumi's ending shows that she could have ended up with Futaba if she chose to pursue her. She didn't and she still got a happy ending where she is confident in her sexuality and unafraid to trust, but she could have also had a happy ending where she married Futaba. Mitsuyuki is a man because desire-for-masculinity is a key aspect of Futaba's character, and Mitsuyuki is a named character with a personality because KAITO wanted the reader to know that Masumi could have ended up with Futaba (as Touma ended up with Taichi).

Fourth, KAITO's notes on volume give us a few hints. He comments that there was remarkably little interference with his story and that he was able to tell it as he wanted, and that the ending was meant to be a "question" to the reader. The way I see it, Masumi's ending wasn't meant to say "maybe you'll be fixed if you get a man" but rather was meant to complement Taichi's ending and say "things happen in ways you might not expect, but that doesn't mean they're bad."

Fifth, Touma/Taichi ending up together shows us that the series is willing and able to show queerness as a good thing and a happy ending, so it's unlikely that Masumi was meant to come off as "actually she just needed a man" and more as "life can be unpredictable but you can always find happiness"

Summary

It's unclear whether Masumi was written as a bisexual woman or a lesbian woman or a questioning wlw

I personally read her as a lesbian and I wish that part of her character had gotten more exploration

Masumi's ending wraps up her arc (struggling to trust other people with her feelings in general and her queerness in particular) in a satisfying and logical way

Masumi being bisexual does not in any way negate or lessen her identity and experienes as a wlw, bisexual people still face external and internalized homophobia and all the associated issues

Masumi's bisexuality may well have been foreshadowed, but the execution makes it easier to read her as a lesbian, which makes her ending seem like a homophobic cop-out in the style of the Hays Code

Masumi's ending doesn't straightwash her and goes to unusual lengths to affirm her attraction to women

Masumi's ending seems to be written to contrast Touma's ending, showing that getting or not getting the love interest depends entirely on whether you choose to pursue them

It's unlikely that authorial intent was to straightwash Masumi

[crankynewt]

Chapter One - Losing Game

Another Love Series Masterlist

Pairing: Regulus Black x Fem!Reader, Young!Remus Lupin x Fem!Reader

Song: Arcade - Duncan Laurence

Warnings: Tons of Angst, Major Character Deaths, Pregnancy(?), and I definitely altered the timeline!

Word Count: 1.76k

Masterlist

Author’s Note: This is pretty angsty and was based on this song (which has always given me massive Reggie vibes), and I HIGHLY recommend listening to it when reading this!

Perhaps your love was doomed from the start. Maybe you were just another Shakesperian tale of forbidden romance destined to conclude in nothing but suffering. He was your light despite the darkness that had encompassed him his entire life and although the war was over, the pain still remained. 

You had begged Regulus not to leave that night, tears blurring your vision as he explained that he had to be the one to destroy the horcrux. “There is no other way,” he had said, his voice shaky with the knowledge that this would likely be his end. You were young, too young, to be fighting this war. A battle that neither of you had any business being involved in the first place. Yet there you were, children who had grown up too quickly.

When he hadn’t returned the next morning, it hadn’t come as any surprise. You mourned the loss of your husband the minute he’d walked out that door. You weren’t vapid and neither was he, you were both well aware of what would happen in that cave. Whether or not Regulus succeeded, however, still remained to be seen. 

The isolation following the death of Regulus Black was something you brought upon yourself. You couldn’t stand seeing muggles continuing to lead their lives as if nothing had happened. Your world crumbled out from beneath you as the universe became a much darker place, so why haven’t they stopped? A person - your person - had died, how could people continue to lead their normal lives?  We were still at war, how could they not sense that something was horribly wrong?

The loneliness made you ill after a month, so sick that you were constantly emptying the contents of your stomach into your toilet as you lay on the cool tile. What prompted you to eventually seek out another were the two little lines on the plastic test. Before long you had apparated to Godric’s hollow, the crisp snow of December crunching under your feet as you made your way up the steps of a quaint looking house. It felt much more homey than the Grimmauld flat you’d been residing in, a slight comfort that what laid behind the door you knocked on may be just as welcoming.

The face that answered the door was kind, warm eyes and a welcoming smile framed by ginger locks. You never spoke to her during your years at Hogwarts due to the two years she had on you, but you knew the girl to be Lily Evans. Judging by the slight furrowing of her brows she had recognized you as well, probably unsure as to why Regulus Black’s wife had shown up on her doorstep seemingly out of nowhere.

“Uhm, is Sirius Black here by any chance?” You asked quietly, your gloved hands rubbing your arms as you fought off the evening’s chill. She need not answer as a pair of brown orbs peered at you from behind her.

“What are you doing here, (Y/N)?” Sirius questioned, bitterness lacing his words as he took in your frail appearance. The elder Black did not think highly of his little brother - the Death Eater, or so he thought. Yet Regulus had relayed numerous stories from their childhood that revealed that in earlier years of their lives, the duo had been inseparable. You were just hoping that some of that affection still remained.

“Can we please talk? It’s about your brother.” You said, voice wavering as you shivered in the cold. Lily seemingly took notice of this and ushered you into the warmth of their home, closing the door behind you and leaving the in-laws to speak in the front entryway.

“If Regulus has something to say to me than the little shit can come tell me himself-”

“Sirius, what are you talking about?” You asked incredulously. “Regulus died two months ago.”

Sirius had not been speechless many times in his life, yet there he stood with his head reeling, heart broken, and tears slowly welling in his eyes. At the end of the day, Regulus would always be his baby brother. And in that silence he sat and listened, taking in all of what had happened the past year. From Regulus deciding to turn on Voldemort to the fateful night destroying his horcrux, Sirius felt both pride and guilt building underneath the grief. Regulus had been a good person who gave his life doing the right thing, all in belief of the same values that had gotten himself disowned.

When you mentioned the pregnancy, Sirius once again found himself dumbstruck. But that shock was quickly replaced with a sense of duty, it was as if he had the opportunity to make up for his brother’s broken relationship. He would help you raise this baby, and he would make damn sure that they did not have the same broken childhood he had suffered.

Within the week, Sirius had moved back into 12 Grimmauld Place with you. The baby he was dedicating himself to had quickly become babies after finding out that not one, but two baby Blacks were on the way. He was at your side through every step of the pregnancy, and slowly but surely his friends made their way into your life as well. James was always there to put a smile on your face and Lily gave great advice as to dealing with the pregnancy as she had delivered Harry only weeks before you showed up. Remus was always there to offer chocolate and a good book while Peter always had a hot cup of tea ready for you.

Before long, Arcturus and Cassiopeia Black were welcomed into the world and the light in your life had been restored. They were both the spitting image of their father, seeming to have barely inherited any (Y/L/N) genes and only reminded you of their father with every coming day. Little Harry was thrilled to have playmates, and you had finally found your family. Although far from perfect, it was everything to you. But all good things must come to an end, and this state of grace was no different.

Halloween came and went. James, Lily, and Peter were gone, no, murdered. Sirius could not have done it, not to his family! The man you read about in the papers was not the same gentle soul who would sing the twins to sleep almost every evening. But regardless of what you thought of the man he was guilty in the eyes of the Ministry, and thus he was sent to Azkaban to suffer a fate worse than death. This loss rocked you once more, but this time you had the twins to look after, and you weren’t alone.

Remus had stepped right up to fill the shoes that Sirius had been filling for Regulus without hesitation. He was grieving the same losses as you and found solace in caring for little Archie and Cassie. You mourned together and healed together, and before long Remus became your other half. 

That friendship didn’t last long, however, as it eventually blossomed into something bigger, a love that you fought tooth and nail. Guilt consumed you as you felt yourself falling for the werewolf, not being able to shake the feeling that you were betraying Regulus as you fell deeper and deeper in love. 

Right around the second anniversary of his death was when you heard the first words pass through either of the twins’ lips. Archie squealed a high-pitched “dada” to Remus who had been helping you prepare breakfast, and your eyes met his equally glassy. While the man stuttered out a mix of apologies in fear of overstepping, you just embraced him and allowed him to hold you in the way nobody had for a long time. The toddlers had accepted him as their father, and you had denied the desire to love him for too long.

Six months later the two of you had married in a small ceremony of only Order members gathering to celebrate your love. You did, however, keep the last name ‘Black’ as an homage both to Regulus and Sirius’ roles in both of your lives. At that same celebration you also announced that a baby Lupin would be making their way into the world six months later. And alas, Theodore Lupin was born shortly after, and your little family was complete.

When it was finally time for Archie and Cassie to begin their future at Hogwarts, you couldn’t help but weep as they waved out the window of the Hogwarts Express, the siblings excited to start the next stage in their lives. Your husband wrapped an arm around you as he fought tears himself, meanwhile Teddy tugged onto your hand and questioned when he would get the chance to attend the school as well, already missing his big brother and sister. 

Remus and you had debated what house the twins would be sorted into, him adamant that they showed Gryffindor courage while you were certain that they would follow in your footsteps and be sorted into (Y/H). Your questions were answered the next morning as you received letters from two very excited Slytherins, taking after their father just as they had done in appearance and personality. You and Remus were proud nonetheless, but your husband was always saddened that they had never grown close to Harry. The divide between houses had seemingly grown even stronger since you two had attended and a friendship between the former friends hadn’t formed.

Two years later, the twins were approaching their third year as Teddy prepared to begin his magical schooling, and you began to ponder what your life would look like following their departure. You and your husband didn’t have the finances to travel and feared a life without the light of your children, and your questions were answered following a letter from Dumbledore himself. He offered the two of you teaching positions at Hogwarts, Defence Against the Dark Arts for Remus and Astronomy for yourself.

The two of you were ecstatic to spend the year with your children teaching, and walking side by side with the castle in view made you feel like a young girl again. A broken heart was all that was left, but Remus had been there to pick up your broken pieces and carry you home. But the wreckage of your life would not stay in ruins forever, as old friends and old loves remained closer than you had ever known and were about to rejoin your losing game.

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[ash-and-books]

Rating: 2/5

Book Blurb: You will kill the ones you love. It is in your blood, in your fate.

Seventeen-year-old Alex and her mother have spent years on the run from the Covenant, a school where the pure descendants of gods hone their powers and half-mortal teens like Alex train to kill daimons for them. But when her mom is murdered by daimons and she has nobody else to turn to, Alex finds herself back at the Covenant, where she has two options: become a servant for the pures or work twice as hard as everyone else to catch up in her training.

The second option seems like an easy choice, but everything gets complicated when pure-blood Aiden volunteers to be her personal trainer. Because not only is Aiden gorgeous, but he also understands Alex in a way she's never experienced before. Unfortunately, relationships between pures and half-bloods are strictly forbidden.

But falling for Aiden isn't her biggest problem. As she learns the true reason her mother whisked her away from the Covenant and daimons close in on the school, she must fight to stay alive…even if it's her fault those around her are dropping dead.

Review:

In a world where descendants of gods are divide into pure bloods and half bloods, one girl will find herself seeking revenge, facing monsters, unlikely powers awaken, and a forbidden romance blooms. The Covenant is a school where pure descendants of gods attend and half bloods such Alex, also go to as well to train to kill daimons. Yet one day her mother takes her away and they've been on the run ever since... now 17 years old and out of time, daimons come after them and murder her mom and Alex finds herself being brought back into the Covenant where she will be trained under the handsome and talented older student, pure blood Aiden. Pure bloods and half bloods are forbidden from entering into a relationship, yet the more time she spends training with him the more blurred the lines between trainer and trainee are. Not to mention Alex has to deal with the strange new powers that had awakened in her, rekindling old friendships, and dealing with the fact that someone she loves might have turned into a daimon and is now after her..... Alex has to find a way to stay alive through the school year or risk being kicked out and forced to become a servant... or worse, be killed by a daimon. I am going to say I went into this book completely blind, I had no idea that this was in fact a repub of the already finished and old series by JLA. This book was a rip off of Vampire Academy, but instead of vampires it was with greek gods. I adore, absolutely love Vampire Academy, but reading this left a bad taste in my mouth if I am going to be honest. The characters are no where near as likable as the characters in Vampire Academy and the romance was not there at all. I really wanted to like this but it just felt too similar to Vampire Academy, yet without any of the great parts that made Vampire Academy fun. This is definitely something I think younger YA readers could get into, but it felt a bit dated to me and honestly, it just couldn't compare to VA or stand out enough that I would like it on it's own. Sadly, it's a pass for me, however if you enjoy teen school drama set in a magic school and an older/forbidden love interest, give this a go!

*Thanks Netgalley and SOURCEBOOKS Bloom Books | Bloom Books for sending me an arc in exchange for an honest review*